I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
