Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
