There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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