Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
