Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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