as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
