Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
