Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So drunk its hurt
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
vagina is talking i cant
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
