11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
