soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My vagina just recognized that song.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
