Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
