Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU