Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just gargled with NyQuil