he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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