ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
