my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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