I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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