i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
