Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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