i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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