Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
