I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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