oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
