Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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