I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
