I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
