need another drink. this is the easiest way
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
