Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
