so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
