Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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