eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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