so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
