Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
