EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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