I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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