doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
