So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
