Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
