I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
