i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The air was thick with penises
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
