its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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