I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
