It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
