dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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