I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize