You smell like stripper and shame
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
