A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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