I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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