it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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