I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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