Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
