What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
