if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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