Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
