Fuck appropriateness.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
