wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He shit in the fireplace
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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