it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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