Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
