i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
