I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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