I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
