my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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