Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
