got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
