yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
