I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
