I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
