At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
