remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
