So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
