Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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